One of the (allowable) pleasures of childhood was reading the Adventures of the Famous Five. Recently I have been re-reading them and they are still as wonderful as ever so, in tribute to Julian, Dick, Anne, George and Timmy, I have decided to write my very own, updated version. I hope you enjoy it.
The Famous Five had seen each other rarely in the last several years. They still thought of the ripping adventures that they had as children but, alas, life had moved on and they had all grown up.
Julian and Anne, his younger sister, were sitting in his apartment in Docklands and he was explaining to her about his life as a corporate accountant.
'I say Anne, would you like some cocoa before we sit down and reminisce about the crazy coincidences that regularly happened in our childhood?'
Anne tucked her long legs underneath her as she settled on the couch.
'Oh, yes please Julian, that'd be smashing. Would you like an egg sandwich?'
As usual, their mother had packed enough food for Anne's visit to feed a small army and soon the table was strewn with lovely home-made veal & ham pie, some cold cuts and lemon barley drink.
They sat there eating and reliving the many criminals they had caught, the treasures found and the jolly jaunts on their very own Kirrin Island.
Suddenly there was the sound of a doorbell ringing.
'I'll go' said Anne and rushed to the door.
As it swung open, she saw a young woman with cropped hair, combat trousers and several piercings.
'I'm looking for Dick' said the woman aggressively.
'Crikey, old thing, I never thought I would ever hear you say that!' Hello George.'
'Anne, is it really you?' said George (for it was indeed her) 'How absolutely topping to see you.'
She hugged her cousin and Anne felt a strange sensation as George's studded tongue pressed hard against her cheek.
Anne called out. 'Julian, guess who's here?' but was soon knocked out of the way as Julian bounded over towards them.
'George, you dear old dyke, how lovely to see you again. Where's Timmy?'
Now George's real name was Georgina but she hated being a girl and was fiercely resentful of anyone who treated her other than an equal of the boys. She spent her days running a women's collective and was accompanied everywhere by her dog, Timmy. Timmy loved Georgina and had saved her and her cousins many times over the years. Where on earth could he be?
'Oh there's no need to worry about Timmy. He's with some geneticists for the morning.'
Julian and Anne looked puzzled. 'We're a bit puzzled, George old chap. Why geneticists?'
George looked at them with exasperation. 'It's obvious! Now, we are together there's bound to be an adventure and, as usual, Timmy will help save the day. Seeing as it's been a few years now, he should be really decrepit but that would spoil a jolly good story so he hasn't actually aged. The geneticists want to find out why?'
Her cousins look at her as realisation dawned. 'Of course', they said in unison. 'Now come and have something to eat.'
They sat there eating until they were so full they could hardly eat the cake baked by George's mother which she pulled from her rucksack.
'How is dear Aunt Fanny?' asked Julian
George looked sombre. 'Do you remember how father was such an irascible man and you were all quite scared of him?' she asked. Their faces were sufficient answer to that question. 'Well, it turns out he used to abuse her in the secret tunnel so she's now living at the Refuge with me.'
'Oh, George, how absolutely ghastly for you,' said Anne 'I always thought Uncle Quentin was quite nice underneath.' They all sat quietly for a while until Anne's pink Razr mobile trilled loudly.
'Get that for me George, can you?'
'Heck, Anne' said George with a snarl 'If you think I am touching a pink phone, you can think again.' In the end though, she relented and her face lit up as she realised who was calling. 'Dick! Where are you? ....What? You're on your way here?.............Oh, how absolutely spiffing, all we need is Timmy and we are all together again.'
Julian was busy with his palmtop calculating the probability factors of yet another adventure when the door burst open and in walked Dick. His lean, rangy good looks and careless smile fitted in perfectly with his reputation as the joker of the group. He had done well for himself in adult life and now controlled an empire of chat lines and websites specialising in totally improbable scenarios involving swarthy foreigners, strange noises in the night and, the most popular, large breasted Russian women dressed in a variety of uniforms.
'I say,' he laughed 'let's all have another picnic and then go get Timmy. Once more we'll be the Famous Five.' The others laughed gaily as they opened yet another wicker basket full of scrummy food and some wonderful ginger beer.
George excused herself and went to the bathroom. When she returned, Anne looked at her suspiciously; 'George, old thing, what are those strange track marks on your arm?'
George looked startled. 'That's..erm...ringworm. I must have picked it up when I went down to Kirrin Cottage to pack some things for Mother and put all Father's rubberware on eBay.'
Dick looked at her suspiciously but said no more as they went off to collect Timmy.
Timmy was so excited to see them. 'Hello, old chap, you're obviously pleased to see us' said Julian, unsuccessfully trying to wipe the stain off his left leg. Timmy had an almost human grin on his face as he capered around his favourite people. He just knew that there were some adventures in the offing.
Time was getting on so they pulled out the tents which they just happened to have.
'Let's camp here.' said Anne. There's some lovely grass and there's bound to be a farmhouse nearby.
After some frantic activity, they were soon all sitting snugly together, thinking about tea when they heard a noise!
'Shhh,' said Dick, 'What can that be?
A dark shadow fell across the tent flap. It seemed enormous, distorted as it was by the flickering lamplight.
Suddenly a voice rang out as a helmeted head appeared through the opening. 'You do realise it's a criminal offence camping on the Stanmore roundabout. Now, bugger off!
'Well, I like that' said Julian. 'Come on chaps, let's go and find an adventure.....................
To be continued
Copyright: BertieBassett Enterprises Inc. 2008 This article cannot be reproduced in full or part without written permission of the author
Five Do It All Over the Place
The Famous Five had seen each other rarely in the last several years. They still thought of the ripping adventures that they had as children but, alas, life had moved on and they had all grown up.
Julian and Anne, his younger sister, were sitting in his apartment in Docklands and he was explaining to her about his life as a corporate accountant.
'I say Anne, would you like some cocoa before we sit down and reminisce about the crazy coincidences that regularly happened in our childhood?'
Anne tucked her long legs underneath her as she settled on the couch.
'Oh, yes please Julian, that'd be smashing. Would you like an egg sandwich?'
As usual, their mother had packed enough food for Anne's visit to feed a small army and soon the table was strewn with lovely home-made veal & ham pie, some cold cuts and lemon barley drink.
They sat there eating and reliving the many criminals they had caught, the treasures found and the jolly jaunts on their very own Kirrin Island.
Suddenly there was the sound of a doorbell ringing.
'I'll go' said Anne and rushed to the door.
As it swung open, she saw a young woman with cropped hair, combat trousers and several piercings.
'I'm looking for Dick' said the woman aggressively.
'Crikey, old thing, I never thought I would ever hear you say that!' Hello George.'
'Anne, is it really you?' said George (for it was indeed her) 'How absolutely topping to see you.'
She hugged her cousin and Anne felt a strange sensation as George's studded tongue pressed hard against her cheek.
Anne called out. 'Julian, guess who's here?' but was soon knocked out of the way as Julian bounded over towards them.
'George, you dear old dyke, how lovely to see you again. Where's Timmy?'
Now George's real name was Georgina but she hated being a girl and was fiercely resentful of anyone who treated her other than an equal of the boys. She spent her days running a women's collective and was accompanied everywhere by her dog, Timmy. Timmy loved Georgina and had saved her and her cousins many times over the years. Where on earth could he be?
'Oh there's no need to worry about Timmy. He's with some geneticists for the morning.'
Julian and Anne looked puzzled. 'We're a bit puzzled, George old chap. Why geneticists?'
George looked at them with exasperation. 'It's obvious! Now, we are together there's bound to be an adventure and, as usual, Timmy will help save the day. Seeing as it's been a few years now, he should be really decrepit but that would spoil a jolly good story so he hasn't actually aged. The geneticists want to find out why?'
Her cousins look at her as realisation dawned. 'Of course', they said in unison. 'Now come and have something to eat.'
They sat there eating until they were so full they could hardly eat the cake baked by George's mother which she pulled from her rucksack.
'How is dear Aunt Fanny?' asked Julian
George looked sombre. 'Do you remember how father was such an irascible man and you were all quite scared of him?' she asked. Their faces were sufficient answer to that question. 'Well, it turns out he used to abuse her in the secret tunnel so she's now living at the Refuge with me.'
'Oh, George, how absolutely ghastly for you,' said Anne 'I always thought Uncle Quentin was quite nice underneath.' They all sat quietly for a while until Anne's pink Razr mobile trilled loudly.
'Get that for me George, can you?'
'Heck, Anne' said George with a snarl 'If you think I am touching a pink phone, you can think again.' In the end though, she relented and her face lit up as she realised who was calling. 'Dick! Where are you? ....What? You're on your way here?.............Oh, how absolutely spiffing, all we need is Timmy and we are all together again.'
Julian was busy with his palmtop calculating the probability factors of yet another adventure when the door burst open and in walked Dick. His lean, rangy good looks and careless smile fitted in perfectly with his reputation as the joker of the group. He had done well for himself in adult life and now controlled an empire of chat lines and websites specialising in totally improbable scenarios involving swarthy foreigners, strange noises in the night and, the most popular, large breasted Russian women dressed in a variety of uniforms.
'I say,' he laughed 'let's all have another picnic and then go get Timmy. Once more we'll be the Famous Five.' The others laughed gaily as they opened yet another wicker basket full of scrummy food and some wonderful ginger beer.
George excused herself and went to the bathroom. When she returned, Anne looked at her suspiciously; 'George, old thing, what are those strange track marks on your arm?'
George looked startled. 'That's..erm...ringworm. I must have picked it up when I went down to Kirrin Cottage to pack some things for Mother and put all Father's rubberware on eBay.'
Dick looked at her suspiciously but said no more as they went off to collect Timmy.
Timmy was so excited to see them. 'Hello, old chap, you're obviously pleased to see us' said Julian, unsuccessfully trying to wipe the stain off his left leg. Timmy had an almost human grin on his face as he capered around his favourite people. He just knew that there were some adventures in the offing.
Time was getting on so they pulled out the tents which they just happened to have.
'Let's camp here.' said Anne. There's some lovely grass and there's bound to be a farmhouse nearby.
After some frantic activity, they were soon all sitting snugly together, thinking about tea when they heard a noise!
'Shhh,' said Dick, 'What can that be?
A dark shadow fell across the tent flap. It seemed enormous, distorted as it was by the flickering lamplight.
Suddenly a voice rang out as a helmeted head appeared through the opening. 'You do realise it's a criminal offence camping on the Stanmore roundabout. Now, bugger off!
'Well, I like that' said Julian. 'Come on chaps, let's go and find an adventure.....................
To be continued
Copyright: BertieBassett Enterprises Inc. 2008 This article cannot be reproduced in full or part without written permission of the author
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1 comment:
Gosh Bertie old chap, you should have posted a warning about the jolly content of that story ... I almost choked on my Weetabix.
Excellent stuff. Can't wait for the next Chapter.
Titania. x
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