Optical Illusion

Sadly, as the years have passed by, my body has metamorphosed from the muscular, slim and athletic twenty something into the fifty something whose physique is akin to Buddha after a binge eating session. Bits of my body are slowly but surely degrading and this brings different fears. Once upon a time I would worry that I might not get a game of football every day: now I worry about dropping the remote as, by the time  I have managed to bend over to pick it up to change channel, I've missed half the match!

Some bits of me have always been less than perfect. "What?!!" I hear you cry, as another illusion is shattered. Yes indeed, I have worn glasses from the age of about 11 therefore they are part of me. In fact, my Chinese friends always refer to me as 'Sing an loh' which apparently means Four-eyed man although it wouldn't surprise me if it's meaning is something totally different and they've been calling me something like rancid arse face for all these years.

I, like most people, have my sight tested every 18 months or so and for some time I have been going to an independent company called Sussex Eyecare. They are based in Seaford, near where we used to live.. It's owned by a very capable and likeable chap by the name of Daeron who is also a biker and is just getting into photography (Daeron, if you're reading this, have I got a discount yet?). In fact, Daeron has been so successful there, a few years back, an elderly motorist decided to see if he liked the idea of a drive-through!

Recently, I managed to break one of my lenses so I obviously needed to go and get them sorted as well as another eye test but, for reasons which are pretty immaterial to this story, ended up going into town and visiting one of the big optician chains by the name of Vision Express.

Now Vision Express advertise a lot. They advertise cheap this, extra that, free sunglasses and are the epitome of corporate culture. Young persons in uniform smile nicely and the waiting area has such reassuring reading matter as The Times. Sadly, the said newspaper has been ripped into small bits by the bored children who sit there whilst their parents browse the designer frames, look at the price and then head for the budget section. Eventually I was examined and a young lady ophthalmologist started the proceedings by shining extremely bright lights in my eyes. How on earth was I expected to read wall charts after that?

I emerged to be told that there had been a deterioration in my vision and therefore a new prescription was issued and I would be passed to a colleague who would go through the alternatives. He started off by showing me 3 different pictures which demonstrated the difference in vision by their 3 different varifocal lenses. In other words, he started selling. I explained that I didn't want a lesson in marketing: I have been involved in marketing for a lot of my career and politely enquired if, assuming it was OK with him, we could actually focus (!) on me as the most important priority rather than his targets? He quoted a lens price (remember, I didn't need frames) of £360  and I was fairly surprised as these lenses were identical to my last ones (Seiko) and the cost was similar to lenses AND frames, some 18 months earlier. As we were there (despite my better judgement), the deal was done. Mrs B also had hers checked and the result was no change. The ophthalmologist did recommend contacts though (at £30 a month) and separate reading glasses. I might be a little cynical here but I do wonder if that was her professional opinion or yet another little bid to boost income and procure an ongoing direct debit?

As I drove back to the apartment, my phone rang. The young man at Vision Express was very sorry but he had misquoted me. He told me that, as the specs are rimless, there have to be holes drilled into the lenses for the arms and this costs a further £40. He gave me the option of cancelling the order and I told him I'd be in the next morning. So, we now have £400 and I am not a happy bunny. I had it on my mind all night. Annoyed that we had fallen into the trap of corporate advertising, annoyed that we hadn't gone back to where we knew and trusted the people and generally speaking, offering a good impression of Mr Grumpy. The following morning I made a rather embarrassed call to Sussex Eyecare and asked what they would charge me for replacement lenses? £295! Over £100 less than the big boys which totally screws any such theories as economies of scale. I rang Vision Express and told them the cheaper price and was met with a flustered person saying they would speak to the manager and where did I get this quote? I told them and then said I was coming in!

When I got there, the girl said she would fetch the manager and disappeared. Now whether the manager didn't want to speak or had something better to do I shall never know because the girl came back without her. I explained politely that, quite naturally, I wanted to get the best value for money. The girl said she had phoned Sussex Eyecare and they quoted £310. At this point I told her that I would like to cancel the order as a) I didn't like my integrity questioned and b) I was not happy about the whole thing. Her reply was "We don't do refunds, it's been company policy for about a year now."

Are you still with me or are you slumbering gently now? I'm almost done so bear with me.

I left the shop in high dudgeon after explaining that they would either get a call from Trading Standards or my solicitor only to receive a message some 30minutes later. Guess what? It appears that they COULD make a refund and would happily do so!!

The moral of this story? Stick with what you've got - size isn't everything!!! I'm not a vengeful man (much) and if I can deter one person from increasing Vison Express' profits then my job is done and I can sleep soundly in my bed at night.