Demons

"In order to beat the demon, you have to say his name" - so said Sir Terry Pratchett when facing up to the cruelly insidious effects of Alzheimer's Disease. I've always been very good at letting demons whizz around having marked the X for no publicity box and so, I suppose, this is my attempt to shame them and subsequently myself into a bit more direct action.

Last October I offered my services to a large historical military establishment nearby as they were after volunteers. Their website states that volunteers were needed for the following:

Administration
General Record Keeping, Visitor Surveys, Volunteer Records, Volunteer Development,

Curatorial
Archiving, Research, Preservation

Education
Guiding, Working with Children, Translation, Helping Special Needs Visitors

Buildings and Grounds
Cleaning, Repairs, Maintenance

Displays and Exhibitions
Interpretation, Setting up, Repair, Maintenance

Front of House
Shop, Retail, Reception, Hospitality, Guiding, Stewarding Special Events

Promotion
Publicity, Events

It all seemed perfect for me; a purpose in life and no pressure to perform whilst hopefully spending some time out in the fresh air, interacting with people, playing with computers and, best of all, gaining knowledge and using my brain for something useful. I rang and was cordially invited down for a chat with the curator and we parted on good terms. A week later there had been no contact. The following week I emailed and there was no reply. I have to say it had a considerable effect on me as I felt that, given I had the expertise and knowledge (and can even clean and paint), it must have been my personality which had prompted my perceived rejection.

Christmas came and went and I realised that I was gradually withdrawing from social interaction. The gregarious entertainer was turning into an introvert who actually felt awkward when talking to people and, worst of all, was comfortable with that premise. A few swift calculations made me realise that I was spending approximately 14 hours in front of my PC on days when we didn't go out and, because of the pain of Mrs B's knee, this was usually no more than twice a week. I was aware that I was heading towards a place I hadn't been for a good few years so I decided to face at least one demon and duly toddled off to the doctor. Of course, I beat around the bush but he knew me enough to start asking the questions (the violent trembling in my right hand was also a bit of a giveaway!) and I have to say I felt better having spoken to him. He prescribed me some tablets; a course of action which I had always steadfastly refused before as a) they never seemed to work and b) it seemed like giving in, and they had an amazing effect.

I took one tablet and slept for about 18 of the next 24 hours. The next day I took half a tablet and slept for about 14 hours. That was the end of those!! There was no way I was going to turn into a chemically-induced vegetable. I am now on a different medication and it seems to be doing the trick a bit more although I find now that I am unable to get worked up into my usual state of frustration, anger etc and write blogs accordingly. This particular one is, in fact, really quite hard to do and I'm conscious that there is little fluency in it. I had to really force myself to write it but at least, by so doing, I am kicking another small demon in the butt.

Talking of demons, I also decided this week that I must do something about my withdrawal from Society as well as getting my increasingly ample frame out of this chair so I telephoned my friend The Curator once more. He was most apologetic and used the excuse of totally forgetting about me......hmmmmm! Anyway, I am now awaiting some stuff to research on their behalf so I might soon be able to say that I am not totally surplus to requirements. That isn't supposed to sound as if I'm feeling sorry for myself but, let's face it, if I didn't get up, it would hardly have a great effect on anybody's life.

Perhaps I am now in the ascendant? Perhaps I can now find some other demons to name - God knows, I have enough of them. The scary part is that I'm kind of used to them and therefore, paradoxically, they have become a form of security whose absence would be less comfortable at first than their presence.

Maybe I'll stick to my Round the World blogs, they seem a lot less harmless? I've reached the Seychelles now and the next part of my epic adventures will be published shortly.

On a final note, my son was grabbed in the street yesterday by 2 burly policemen and accused of being somebody they were after. When he protested he wasn't the person named, they insisted on seeing ID. I'd have loved to have seen their faces as he produced his warrant card! Sometimes, Life can be so sweet.