Bring Back Grammar Schools

Now, I'm your average television viewer. Although we have a TV in the lounge, it's rarely used as neither of us are good at sitting and just watching, but the TV is always on when we're at the PCs or doing something in the PlayRoom. We also have TVs in the kitchen and bedroom so there is plenty of scope to watch.

The reason I feel constrained to mention the dreaded goggle box is that tonight, I was aghast at something I saw! I don't mean aghast as in those wonderful letters that used to be seen on Points of View. You know the sort I mean:

Dear Points of View

I was DISGUSTED when, whilst watching that lovely programme "Open All Hours", I noticed a vegetable on Mr Arkwright's greengrocery display which I found rather lewd in shape for that time of the evening. Surely, we don't pay our license fee for THAT sort of behaviour and the BBC should be far more careful regarding such matters in the future.

Yours,

Ivor Carrot-Dick, Penge

I rather like 'proper' quiz shows, like Eggheads (even though it ruins my cooking as I tend to throw whatever ingredients I'm using at the screen when Daphne gives her supercilious 'Oh, yes, I knew that because I know every bleeding thing in the world' look). I like certain dramas like Waking The Dead and Shameless and I like documentaries. Naturally, I like the sport, apart from rugby which I just cannot understand. I think it's possibly a reaction to the one time I played the game. I vaguely remember standing there with this ball, desperately trying to remember what to do next when several hormonally-charged, over-active Goliaths fell upon me and I discovered a severe allergy to pain. Now, I can watch it but understand it? 'Fraid not.

Whilst we're on the subject of television, why is it, when we now have 20,000 Sky channels to choose from, there is still so much crap? I mean, I love Buzzcocks and QI but when they play them every night and then, just for a change, joyfully announce a QI weekend, even I get a tad frustrated.

The movie channels are full of so-called blockbuster films of which I have never heard and, in desperation, we end up watching the old classics yet again. I'm quite sure, in 30 years time, people won't be sitting there avidly watching Snakes on a Plane for the umpteenth time as it has become a classic. We actually watched that one. For those of you who haven't ever watched Snakes on a Plane, let me spoil the whole plot - it's about some snakes ....... on a plane. Ter-bleeding-iffic!

Anyway, back to my aghast-ness. What has upset the Bassett, you may ask? Was it the horrifically hypnotising You Could be Nancy with those garish costumes and dog-ugly personalities (and that's only Messrs. Norton, Lloyd-Webber & Humphries). Could it be the plethora of totally crass and inept Amercan offerings polluting our screens? Maybe it was one of the many shock, horror, gasp Channel 4 documentaries like The Dwarf Siamese Twins with Lizard Skin and Athletes Foot?

Nope, it was tonight's Holby City!!

This dysfunctional hospital, complete with alcoholic doctors, drug addict consultants, nymphomaniac nurses and a bomb/train crash/murder roughly 3 weekly is eminently believable. The operations are seemingly realistic (It must be great working for their props dept. - just imagine; 'Good day at work, dear? ' 'Oh yes, I made 2 hearts, a spleen and 3 diseased fallopian tubes.'), the characters are totally relateable and the deaths per episode correlate to the National Mortality Statistics. Tonight though, my illusions were shattered by one insignificant sign on a door. It said.................. 'Sisters Office'.

Now, if it was the office of a Sister than it would be 'Sister's Office'. If it were shared by several Sisters then it would be 'Sisters' Office'. The one thing it cannot be is what was so beautifully signwritten.

It's spoiled my evening......possibly my week. It has destroyed my trust in the magic of television and I am seriously considering accepting the invitation of one of those nice lawyers who appear so regularly during the commercial breaks on Sky promising me vast amounts of money if someone has harmed me, which this unfortunate episode has certainly done.


Some people might say that I am a bit O.T.T. about grammar and punctuation but it's something that has always annoyed me intensely. My kids always raised their eyes heavenwards when I pointed out apostrophe or preposition abuse yet they freely admit they are now exactly the same. Young Zoë will indignantly tell me how one of her tutors at college used a double negative and I can just imagine my son, when he starts his Police career shortly, staring at a Statement and shaking his head sadly; not because it's a confession of heinous criminality but because of the spelling and grammatical errors.

"OK, chummie, I see you've written '.....is the address which I took the dismembered bodies to'. Now, unless you change that to '....... is the address to which I took the dismembered bodies', I'll make sure you're locked up and that they throw away the key".

Mrs B is used to it now although, I recall that when Norris in Coronation Street once pointed out an apostrophic error, she (for reasons which escape me) hooted uncontrollably and, for several weeks afterwards, asked me if I was getting up early to mark up the newspapers!

I think I have managed to get it off my chest now although, knowing my luck, next week's Holby will remind me of it when an intestinally-damaged patient is admitted suffering from a semi-colon!

Finally, please note: any grammatical errors within my blogs are placed there purely to test out my beloved readers - honest!