I think it's time for another random ramblings as there is nothing I particularly want to rant, postulate or pontificate about. Right, time to empty brain onto paper:
We all know we're getting old when things don't taste as they did. You know what I mean; eggs, milk, butter all tasted so much better back in Palaeolithic times, when I was a lad. Well, today, Mrs B was queueing in Sainsbury for cigarettes and in a mad moment of philanthropy, bought me some HubbaBubba bubble gum. I immediately opened it and filled my mouth with a curious combination of chemicals which, by some weird alchemical process, combined to produce an intense strawberry flavour. By the time we'd got to the car (no more than 5 minutes), this had disappeared and I was to all intents and purposes chewing on something quite similar to the pencil rubbers issued at school. Now, I tend to think of HubbaBubba as something quite modern and when I (rather ungratefully, I was told) said that it didn't taste like it did when it first came out, I realised just how old I had become. I was now a double generation "things ain't what they used to be" moaner!
For those of you who read about my pathetic attempts to emulate my flying hero (surely you've read 'Biggles Flies Undone'?), there has been progress.
Not only can I now take off and land in my motorised hang glider but I am also adept at flying around in a grown-up plane. OK, so I still haven't quite mastered the knack of landing very well but it is progress. I do have the new Flight Simulator's predecessor and loaded that in as it has lessons. I figured that a few minutes invested with that may well pay dividends.
Lesson one: Straight and Level Flight. Sounds pretty easy really: you just sit there and admire the view. Oh no, not in BertieWorld. Several pages of physics explaining what forces attach to keeping the aircraft in said position, the effects of drag, upthrust, downthrust, yaw etc and then onto the actual lesson. The virtual teacher was jolly nice. He'd say things like 'Don't worry, I have control again' and 'Let's try that again shall we?' as I struggled to adjust the trim wheel. It was all reasonably simple so we moved on to turning and banking.
Once more, lots of theory and then into the cockpit. He was starting to get a bit lary now, asking me to turn 15 degrees to port, maintaining an altitude of 2500 feet and keeping the revs at 2000 or whatever it was. Three things to think about!!
He was still sounding like my favourite Uncle as he pointed out that I had actually gone 30 degrees left, overcorrected and was now 15 degrees to starboard, was flying at about 11 feet and doing 12,000 mph. It's a shame that software isn't advanced enough for him to actually say what he really thought. - I may well have learned some new words.
Anyway, it's inspired me enough to want the whole new Microsoft Flight Simulator X . Mrs B kindly donated her credit card and it's now been ordered and should be with me by Tuesday. The theory is that, should I like it, she doesn't have to undergo the usual "I've no idea what I want for my birthday" and can just buy me lots of vital flying things like a control yoke, white silk scarf, handlebar moustache and parachute. That link also has the free trial download so if any of you fancy a go, feel free. Just don't tell me if you're good at it! Hopefully, the tuition might be a bit better on the new one. I'm sure there will be a new instructor. The last one was last seen gibbering wildly as he jumped out of my plane and legged it to the nearest Valium bottle.
On Friday, I made 2 new (7 week old) friends.
We all know we're getting old when things don't taste as they did. You know what I mean; eggs, milk, butter all tasted so much better back in Palaeolithic times, when I was a lad. Well, today, Mrs B was queueing in Sainsbury for cigarettes and in a mad moment of philanthropy, bought me some HubbaBubba bubble gum. I immediately opened it and filled my mouth with a curious combination of chemicals which, by some weird alchemical process, combined to produce an intense strawberry flavour. By the time we'd got to the car (no more than 5 minutes), this had disappeared and I was to all intents and purposes chewing on something quite similar to the pencil rubbers issued at school. Now, I tend to think of HubbaBubba as something quite modern and when I (rather ungratefully, I was told) said that it didn't taste like it did when it first came out, I realised just how old I had become. I was now a double generation "things ain't what they used to be" moaner!
For those of you who read about my pathetic attempts to emulate my flying hero (surely you've read 'Biggles Flies Undone'?), there has been progress.
Not only can I now take off and land in my motorised hang glider but I am also adept at flying around in a grown-up plane. OK, so I still haven't quite mastered the knack of landing very well but it is progress. I do have the new Flight Simulator's predecessor and loaded that in as it has lessons. I figured that a few minutes invested with that may well pay dividends.
Lesson one: Straight and Level Flight. Sounds pretty easy really: you just sit there and admire the view. Oh no, not in BertieWorld. Several pages of physics explaining what forces attach to keeping the aircraft in said position, the effects of drag, upthrust, downthrust, yaw etc and then onto the actual lesson. The virtual teacher was jolly nice. He'd say things like 'Don't worry, I have control again' and 'Let's try that again shall we?' as I struggled to adjust the trim wheel. It was all reasonably simple so we moved on to turning and banking.
Once more, lots of theory and then into the cockpit. He was starting to get a bit lary now, asking me to turn 15 degrees to port, maintaining an altitude of 2500 feet and keeping the revs at 2000 or whatever it was. Three things to think about!!
He was still sounding like my favourite Uncle as he pointed out that I had actually gone 30 degrees left, overcorrected and was now 15 degrees to starboard, was flying at about 11 feet and doing 12,000 mph. It's a shame that software isn't advanced enough for him to actually say what he really thought. - I may well have learned some new words.
Anyway, it's inspired me enough to want the whole new Microsoft Flight Simulator X . Mrs B kindly donated her credit card and it's now been ordered and should be with me by Tuesday. The theory is that, should I like it, she doesn't have to undergo the usual "I've no idea what I want for my birthday" and can just buy me lots of vital flying things like a control yoke, white silk scarf, handlebar moustache and parachute. That link also has the free trial download so if any of you fancy a go, feel free. Just don't tell me if you're good at it! Hopefully, the tuition might be a bit better on the new one. I'm sure there will be a new instructor. The last one was last seen gibbering wildly as he jumped out of my plane and legged it to the nearest Valium bottle.
On Friday, I made 2 new (7 week old) friends.
We were offered one and saying no was extremely hard but we had to put on sensible heads (for once). I totally fell in love with the black one and he seemed quite happy just snuggled on my chest, occasionally seeing if my chin tasted as nice as my watch, my leather bracelet and anything else in reach. I shall say no more at this juncture but they were both wonderful and we really miss having a pet.........
Did I mention I have my gastroscopy thingy on 13th February? The blurb said that, as they were shoving a camera down my throat and into my stomach, I might wish to elect for a sedative. Sedative? I want a full anaesthetic, 3 paramedics and a crash trolley at the very least! I've been warned that I will be there for 3 to 4 hours so I assume that they are taking the opportunity to not only take a video but make a whole mini-series.
Can you imagine it? Forget Big Brother and Peter & Katie: welcome to Bertie's Intestinal Secrets.
Oh well, that'll do for now. We're off out to see some friends (assuming we don't freeze to death on the way).
Ooh, by the way, I've tried to redo the blog juke box. I don't think it's necessarily streaming that well at the moment but I'd recommend ZZ Top's La Grange, if you don't know it. My buddies in the band do it (much better, in my humble opinion) so I'll try and get a recording of them and upload it shortly.
Did I mention I have my gastroscopy thingy on 13th February? The blurb said that, as they were shoving a camera down my throat and into my stomach, I might wish to elect for a sedative. Sedative? I want a full anaesthetic, 3 paramedics and a crash trolley at the very least! I've been warned that I will be there for 3 to 4 hours so I assume that they are taking the opportunity to not only take a video but make a whole mini-series.
Can you imagine it? Forget Big Brother and Peter & Katie: welcome to Bertie's Intestinal Secrets.
Oh well, that'll do for now. We're off out to see some friends (assuming we don't freeze to death on the way).
Ooh, by the way, I've tried to redo the blog juke box. I don't think it's necessarily streaming that well at the moment but I'd recommend ZZ Top's La Grange, if you don't know it. My buddies in the band do it (much better, in my humble opinion) so I'll try and get a recording of them and upload it shortly.
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2 comments:
Hello Bertie....
I hope the hospital thing goes well on the 13th....tis not a friday is it :P
I was looking for you and your crash trolley earlier...I needed help resuscitating the thread.
And those puppies were just adorable...you showed mucho restraint saying no.
Great to read your new blog as always....keep at it..
Chockie x x x
Woollaboolla base to Captain Bassett ... are you receiving me? Over ...
Good luck on the pilot training - I have trouble driving a car, God knows what sort of mayhem I'd manage to create in a plane :-O
I echo Chockie's good luck message for the horsepiddle appointment - my Auntie's had several of those and didn't have any sort of problem: she said they make you nice and woozy.
Take care :-) x
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