I Want to be a Loan

This morning, I received a letter. Not a world-shattering event, I know: even the idiosyncratic wiles of the Royal Mail occasionally manage to deliver the odd missive. This particular envelope, however,looked special and I felt a frisson of excitement as I saw it lying on the mat. Not your bog standard white or Government brown but a nice translucent plastic, suitably bulky and with pictures visible through it.

Clutching it to my manly chest, I went upstairs once more to savour the moment of opening. Was it perhaps an invitation? Had I won something exciting? Maybe it was a letter from a long-lost (preferably rich) relative with exquisite taste in envelopes? Brushing aside the detritus of empty gin bottles, lime-green darning thread and requests for signed photos, I sat down at the kitchen table and slowly, with all due ceremony, extracted the contents.

I was amazed! Not only was I congratulated on my financial acumen but I was practically begged to let the senders lend me £7500 by way of one of their lovely credit cards. This was a tempting thought. OK, it was a 28.7% interest rate but who cares? I was given a choice of pictures to have on the aforesaid plastic and that was the tempter. I could picture the looks of envy as I pulled the card from my wallet and people gazed in awe at a picture of a pig, a chimpanzee or a tiger. They even gave me little stickers of each picture to stick on my application form as well just in case i wasn't very good at ticking boxes. It was really difficult to finally decide to decline but, in the end, that's what I did.

Now those that know me might feel that there is a certain cynicism in my enthusiasm for such marketing and, I have to admit, they are totally correct. Having spent a lot of my life advising people on loans, mortgages and investments I take a keen interest in loan marketing and it appears to have reached ridiculous proportions. Sky TV has a preponderance of such ads and they never fail to send my blood pressure rocketing. Happy smiling mothers talking to the nice man from the loan company on the phone about how easy it is to borrow money, as her husband and children play merrily together, earnest people explaining that it's OK to get into debt as they are specialists in IVAs and can help you wriggle out of it, and as for Carole bloody Vorderman...............!

Let's face it, it's far too easy to borrow money. We live in an "I want it now" consumer-orientated world and little thought is given to the consequences by those with little financial acumen. "Interest-free for a year? Great, let's buy it now and worry about that later" Of course, the finance companies know damn well that the iniquitous interest rates attached after that 12 month period more than compensate for the people that actually plan for the debt being due. And as for the poor sods that get into debt, why, they can borrow to get out of it.......as long as they are prepared to pay an even more extortionate rate of interest.

There seems to be a pride in wriggling out of debt, either through IVAs or bankruptcy. Never mind about the small supplier who suffers because of their actions, never mind about interest rates and prices being increased to cover such losses and the rest of us having to bear these. Let the great gods of consumerism and credit reign supreme.

I'm a consumer too. I buy loads of things I want and don't really need but I don't live beyond my means. That doesn't make me a paragon of financial virtue, I just refuse to fall prey to these leeches. I lent people money at a fair interest rate to finance the interest paid to our savers and that sits comfortably with me. I authorised a lot of overdrafts but I never once, to my knowledge, went beyond what I felt was manageable for my customers. Sometimes I was reminded by the powers that be that profit lay in debts but I wasn't interested in short-term profits for the Building Society. I'd far rather help someone over a financial difficulty and have them come back in the future, still believing that we were there to help as well as run a business.

Sorry if I'm preaching but it really gets to me and, when I'm Prime Minister, you can bet your bottom dollar (if it's not due to be repaid soon) that DFS and their interminable sales and easy monthly payments over 5 years will be no more.

Next time you see a TV ad trying to get you to borrow money, try and read the small print which flashes on for 3 nanoseconds where they tell you the actual amounts repayable - scary stuff indeed!

Now, if you will excuse me, this high horse is becoming somewhat uncomfortable.